Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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