I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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