shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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