smell my finger.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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