the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
