Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
