kristin has been a bad kristin
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
