Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
