Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize