I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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