I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
