Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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