Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
