Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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