Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
