he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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