I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
