TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Drake has all the answers
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
