My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That accounts for only three of the penises
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
