We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize