i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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