All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
