If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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