Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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