not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
