apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
