just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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