Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
