We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
