You really coming over, don't trick.
Will you blow on my dice?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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