I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
