I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
