she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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