I smell stomach acid.
you win again, gameday.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize