I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i can't believe i had my finger in that
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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