i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
