I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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