her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This house was built for laser tag.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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