it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
