youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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