Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
