I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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