I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
