I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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