New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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