id be glad to
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
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Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
