I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
