Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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