he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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