ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
