I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
