You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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