So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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