Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he was CRYING into my vagina
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize