i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
