he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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