just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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