i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
