Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
