it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize