WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
