just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
