There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize