can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
