piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
