I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
