used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We are two peas in an std pod
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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