just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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