How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize